Match Report: England 1-0 Slovenia / Algeria 0-1 USA

Watching the pre-match build-up on the BBC brings forth a number of questions. Why can’t all footballers give interviews as intelligently as David James? Why isn’t David James interviewed more? Why has Harry Redknapp suddenly appeared in South Africa? Why is he being asked his opinions in a lavatory cubicle in the dark? Why are the England team introduced in front of a spare backdrop from a Rhianna tour? And does John Terry represent the biggest gap between income and apparent amount spent on a haircut of any one person on the planet?

The BBC seem to have produced more pieces of pre-match VT than needed and in the last twenty minutes before kick-off they hurl both a spoof news report and Brian Blessed yelling Act III of King Henry V at us. Once more unto the breach? Once more into a more effective programme production meeting more like. Finally Gary Lineker hands over to the commentary team with the “Last words I expected to be saying, Slovenia need one point, England need three”.

England are wearing all red in this game as they come out to face Slovenia, and if I’ve learnt nothing else this tournament I can at least confidently tell you Slovenia’s population is 2million. As the Anthems begin the cameraman zooms in on the FIFA logo. Brown nose. One of the Slovene substitutes is very passionately singing and yelling, crapping on Blessed’s earlier efforts, but collectively England are in greater voice.

It’s a nervy start for England, Matthew Upson shanks a clearance and Glen Johnson air-kicks a high dropping ball. Johnson is enduring a poor opening as he commits two fouls in quick succession and Wayne Rooney has to come across to tell him to settle down. Yes, Rooney. “In FA Cup terms it’s the Premier League against third division” says Guy Mowbray, based on what I don’t know. Still the first chance goes to the table-topping apparent underdogs as Valter Birsa cuts in from the right and shoots but David James holds comfortably.

Mark Lawrenson is continuing his one-man World Cup punathon as Mowbray says “Novakevic does just get a little tap” Lawrenson replies with “should’ve been a plumber” and you can be pretty confident he looked round for acknowledgement as he did. Frank Lampard with a free-kick around thirty yards out has England’s first shot on target, but Semir Handanovic saves comfortably. Lampard is involved again a minute later, almost getting onto an excellent Rooney through ball. England are already much better than previous games and are knocking on the Slovenians’ door like a debt collector. Rooney has a shot blocked, Terry gets his head to a Steven Gerrard corner and Johnson has a try from distance.

Slovenia break down the right and Milivjoe Novakovic is denied by a good Terry challenge. From the resulting corner James saves well as Robert Koren’s shot from distance is deflected on its way through. Midway through the first half and those attacks are made to count for nothing as England take the lead. James Milner swings in a great cross from the right and Jermaine Defoe beats his marker to the ball to volley it through Handanovic and in.

Milner is proving a good outlet for England, particularly with Johnson getting forward to take Slovenian defenders away from him, and he delivers another good cross a minute later but this time Handanovic beats Defoe to the ball to punch clear. England are pushing for a second goal and Slovenia are reliant on Handanovic to keep them in the game as he saves a driven strike from Defoe and then as Rooney plays in Gerrard from the rebound he gets across to save that effort too.

England’s threat subsequently eases off towards the break, but Slovenia struggle to create openings of their own. Their best chance comes just minutes before half-time as Birsa hits a free-kick from distance that flicks off an England head and James does well to punch it away.

Half-time and a chance to check on events in the USA v Algeria match. Both sides need a win in view of England’s scoreline and it was the African side who came closest to opening the scoring as Rafik Djebbour received the ball from a long ball downfield but crashed his shot against the bar. From then on it was the US creating all the chances. Jozy Altidore feeding Herculez Gomez on the right but his shot is saved by Raid M’bolhi. The States had the ball in the net minutes later as a challenge on Michael Bradley sees the ball run free to Landon Donovan, his first shot is saved, his follow-up effort turned in by Clint Dempsey but he is flagged a debatable offside at the far post. Dempsey also has an effort saved by M’bohsi and then just before the break Altidore blazes a great chance high over the bar and so it remains goalless.

England force an early second half corner and with Handanovic out of his goal Rooney takes it quickly. The keeper punches it clear, but only as far as Lampard who heads it back in and Defoe just hooks it the wrong side of the post. England keep the early pressure on and have the ball in the net a few minutes later, but Rooney was offside in the build-up and it won’t count. At the other end Birsa tests James’ handling with two free-kicks at the keeper. “Watching England sometimes is a cure for constipation,” says Lawrenson and a dozen international journalists and commentators shuffle away from the BBC section of the pressbox.

Still it’s England creating the chances as Terry meets a deep Gareth Barry corner only for Handanovic to turn the ball round the post with another good save. An angled pass from Lampard picks out Rooney in space in the area, he controls well, shoots off balance and his effort hits the post. The replay shows that Handanovic got his right hand on it, making the telling difference between post and in, and post and safe.

Slovenia need a goal of their own if they’re to stay in the tournament and they start to threaten more, Birsa hitting another shot at James which he fields well. A poor pass from Barry is picked off and Slovenia break again with Novakovic receiving the ball in the area from a knock down, but Terry is across to block, Johnson gets in the way of Zlatko Dedic’s follow up, before the opportunity ends with Birsa firing wide. Replays show an already prone Terry diving head first to try and block Dedic’s effort like a seal, a seal with a cheap haircut.

Joe Cole is being readied to come on for Rooney, his preparation seeming to involve Stuart Pearce reading to him from a textbook. For all the clamour to include Joe Cole in the line-up he struggles to get into the game and with five minutes to go England are now defending a one goal lead rather than seeking a second. Two Slovenian free kicks are desperately hacked away before a last-minute, last-ditch challenge from Upson prevents Andraz Kirm getting one last sight on goal for Slovenia.

England see out time in the corner, before the final whistle confirms their progress. Slovenia must wait, and as England celebrate there is bad news for the Slovenes from Pretoria, as the USA have finally, finally struck in stoppage time. The US breaking from the back have Altidore advancing down the right, puts in a low cross, M’bohsi blocks at the feet of Dempsey and Donovan following in turns slots the ball in the corner of the net with just two minutes injury time remaining. Remarkably there’s still time for Anthar Yahia to get sent off for a second booking for dissent, but there are no more goals and the USA go through as group winners.

The victory is no more than the USA deserve as they’ve threatened the Algerian goal throughout the second half. Dempsey, fed by Altidore, hit the inside of the post with a shot just after the break and followed up himself shooting off target. Substitutes Edson Buddle and Benny Feilhaber combine down the right, but the latter is denied by M’bohsi at his near-post. The keeper then saves from point-blank range as Steve Cherundolo crosses for Altidore to head at goal. Having survived so long Algeria nearly nicked it on the break as Djebbour got the ball in space on the right, but his shot was off target and the US, on their next attack, would win the game.

“Well if America doesn’t fall in love with football after that they never will” concludes Lineker. Perhaps it’s this continued and unnecessary patronisation from you that’s stopping them Gary. England and the USA go through, expect to hear a lot more about “the mood on the camp” in the next four days.